Honestly, it all fell into place in the strangest way. My life was spiraling out of control and everyday the walls were closing in around me. I was longing for a way to start over, a way to redefine who I was and to rebuild the life I wanted. At home my husband and I couldn’t seem to get on the same page and we were always bickering. Not just normal, minor disagreements; but, full fledged marriage-ending style arguments over the most trivial of things. I couldn’t seem to admit when I was wrong and he couldn’t either. We were both heartbroken wondering where the person we fell in love with went. I will never forget the moment my husband said,
“I love you so much but like the old saying goes you can love someone, but sometimes you just fall in love with the wrong person.”
It felt like a someone force-ably ripped my chest open, grabbed my heart with their bare hands, removed it and proceeded to stomp it to the ground as if it meant nothing. What had we become, where was all the love our marriage was built on? Honestly, I started ripping him apart in my mind. I didn’t even consider for one second that I could actually be part of the problem. Foolish, I know, because it took two of us to fall in love and it was both our faults that we were falling out of love. Our bills were piling up one after the other and that alone was weighing so heavily on us. We couldn’t afford to buy a house, a new car or even little toys to appease ourselves. On top of that my work, school, and social life were cascading downhill faster than I could blink. I was only attending school maybe once a week instead of my four scheduled weekdays. I was still “passing” but I was failing my teacher and my fellow classmates by not being there. My social life was disintegrating because I was being unreliable. My friends never knew when I would be coming around or if i would respond when they tried to reach out to me. My work was putting me into a state of depression and I was getting to a point where I didn’t want to do anything. It was all weighing me down. Finally, I started noticing the trend in my life. It was not that my life was falling apart because of my surroundings or because i was unlucky, my life was falling apart at the seams because of me. I was to blame for everything going so poorly in my life and I welcomed a horrible mindset. I had come to a stalemate saying
“Nothing in my life goes how I want, so why should I try. It doesn’t matter what I will do I will never have anything I want or happiness.”
That was the moment I was a living, breathing pity party. Everything happening in my life was because of me, I was putting myself in negative situations and causing the less than ideal outcomes I didn’t actually want. I WELCOMED THESE OUTCOMES BECAUSE I CONVINCED MYSELF THAT’S ALL MY LIFE WOULD EVER BE, BUT MAN WAS I WRONG. That was when I started to change my mindset and the world started smiling on me. It didn’t happen overnight, don’t get me wrong, but it did start to happen.
Ironic or Meant to Be?
One day a women from my work brought me a news article from our town paper about a blowout bar opening. She knew I was in hair school and loved styling hair so she thought the article would be relevant as well as interesting to me. She was completely accurate in that assumption; I thought it was cool and I had full intentions to bring it into my school to share the exciting news with the other girls. Weirdly enough, I never brought the article into school. Instead it sat on my desk at work where I continued to look at it for the next few weeks wishing I was working somewhere like that instead of my current job. I daydreamed about what it would be like to be apart of the salon, praying that one day I would find myself saying “ADIOS!” to my current co workers and moving on to something in my future field. A few weeks later my school informed us we were having a Blow Out class the next evening with that same blow out bar that I had been daydreaming about. I was stoked to say the least, I even got off work early and RUSHED to school so I would be able to attend the class and wouldn’t miss anything. I watched every move they made like a hawk and didn’t let them out of my eye sight. The second the class was done I walked them to the door and introduced myself begging for an opportunity to come in and shadow. They eagerly exchanged numbers and emails with me to set up some future dates. A couple of treacherous weeks went by and I hadn’t heard anything back from the salon. I was heartbroken, questioning whether they liked me or not and if there was anything I could have done to market myself better to them. Finally, I reached out again to the manager and got a reply within MINUTES. Literally, MINUTES. I saw the notification come up on my desktop and I swear to you that my heart actually skipped a beat. She didn’t just ask me to come in to shadow at the salon, she asked me to come in for an interview for a part time receptionist. I knew I couldn’t work part time; I had to have full time wages, but there was no way I was about to let this chance pass me by. I took the interview.
She asked me to come in on a day that I worked, but I didn’t let that stop me. I took a long lunch break, skipped eating all together and strolled in there for my interview. I looked the manager dead in the face and informed her that I couldn’t do a part time schedule but I was there because I wanted to be there and I was grateful for them giving me a chance to come meet them. It went so well, we clicked so fast and we set up 3 future shadowing dates before I even left that day. That evening I got home and received a phone call from the manager asking me to come back in on a Saturday and meet the owner of the chain of salons. I happily accepted, not knowing what to except or why they wanted me for a second interview. I was over the top excited and had butterflies for the next week. I daydreamed how the meeting would go and what it would be about. Needless to say, I met the owner and they made full time position for me. They offered me excellent wages and it gave me hope that things were looking up. After my interview with the owner I called my husband and shared the news of my potential job and after a lot of consideration that weekend I took the job. I turned my two weeks in with my old job and started dreaming about what my new job was going to entail. This was when my outlook started to change for the better.
This new job brought people into my life that really started helping me find myself. They showed me how I can change my life around and I don’t have to live in turmoil or chains like I had been doing. She started telling me about manifestation and how I could define my own destiny. At first I was a little off put by it, “haha sure, as if that would work…I want a million dollars” type of attitude. Needless to say, I started reading up on it, but it didn’t go too far at first. Then, I randomly met a girl in a store who is now one of my best friends and she started telling me how she just started manifesting recently. She told me how it was changing her life. Then all of a sudden people with these amazing stories and even small things they had manifested had started coming out of no where. It was like the universe, or God, was trying to show me that I could change my destiny and my life. This is when I started looking more into manifestation. What is it, what is it all about, how do I even manifest….WHY is everyone not manifesting if its really this easy??? Are all of these people I am meeting just extremely lucky?? The more I sought out answers the more doors and answers began to open for me. As I started reading the book The Secret, which is a must read for anyone interested in manifesting or changing their destiny/life, I found myself happier and turning my life around.
No, I am not saying that the second I started manifesting that my life completely got better, it definitely is still tough at times; but, I am learning to handle myself differently and understand that because of a bad moment it does not mean that I can’t change it into something great. When my husband tried to pick me apart and fight with me recently I just kissed him and told him how much I appreciate him and how much I need him. I informed him that I know he needs me to and this all will pass in time. I told him how I saw our future and even described to him what house I want for us in full detail. I kid you not just imagining it gave me butterflies and I know that very soon we are going to find that perfect rental house I described to him. What did he do? He just sat there shocked, not understanding what was going on because typically we feed off of each other. It was fine, I walked off and continues to manifest for our future and meditate. The real question is what is manifestation? I promise the longer you stick with me the more you will learn about it, and I promise that it can change your life. You will also see what all is changing in my life. This was just the beginning of my story, the background I guess you could say. Because without the foundation you can never fully understand how far I have already come and how much farther I have to come. My life is booming with blessings and I am so utterly grateful that I have learned The Secret. There is still so much for me to learn, and that amazes me. I can’t wait to share with you my journey, our journeys actually because hopefully you are curious now about how your life can change and how all of that change and all of those blessings are in your hands.